I just want to close my eyes and never wake up again. I feel so angry with myself right now. Why do I want to give up? I’ve been trying so hard and then this bullshit feeling comes again. I don’t want to die, but I want to die. That makes no sense but that is the feeling. I tell myself I need to stay because that is the only way I will ever know what tomorrow will bring – but I answer myself with:  I don’t care what what tomorrow will bring because I just want today to end. Of course the final answer is that I have every reason to be here and to be happy, that is always how this back and forth wraps up.

I am so tired, not sleepy, just so very tired. Tired of being like this. Tired of feeling something that I can’t explain.

It’s Friday afternoon and this has been going on for 30 minutes. I’ll get through this but fuck!  FML and fuck ME for putting me through this right now.