I feel terrible right now because I did exactly what I promised I wouldn’t do. I wasn’t straight with my therapist, whom I’ve placed my trust with in telling these things to. She asked me during my session if I felt like I was in that “void” feeling at that moment and I chickened out and said no. Truth is I’ve been in that bad place as a carry over from yesterday and I couldn’t share that. I feel like shit for doing that but that is just how I’ve always guarded myself. I’ll fess up next week but she probably already knew or sensed something was up. One problem I’ve come to realize is I still have trouble with trust so not sharing these things is just a natural reaction.

Hiding that bit of information feels like a step backwards considering how much I trust her to help me, or help me help myself. To makes matters worse I also double downed later today and did the same thing to the only other person whom I trust. Seems like I keep blowing these chances with those who might offer some understanding. FML

I’m not going to dwell on it but damn that is such a wasted moment that I would like to get a redo on. It is so frustrating when I can’t say the words that are on my mind, and waiting for someone to ask the right questions is never going to happen.