For a while now I have been working on getting all of this off my chest. I’ve never written about this specifically, but I’ve never discussed my depression and mental wellness with my wife. She has no idea what I go through and I have kept this buried deep inside of me for my entire adult life. Recently I made it a goal to tell her. The plan was simple enough, allow myself to be vulnerable to speak freely and explain everything the best I can. The problem up until now has been that I couldn’t explain something that I couldn’t even explain to myself. I have specific points I want to get across and doing so is for my own wellbeing. While I do care what she thinks and how she reacts, the truth is that getting this out is about finding my own authentic self.

Here’s the issue. Every time I get close to telling her this, something else gets in the way. I’m getting to the point where I feel like saying fuck-it to whatever negativity surrounds this and just dropping the bomb. I get the sense that the outcome will not be good no matter how long I wait for the perfect opportunity. This is like a bandaid that needs to be ripped off no matter how much I think it will hurt. Not taking action is stressing me the fuck out. But I’m also stressing out over the potential aftermath.